I’m in this rut, and I can’t seem to get out of it.
Every time I try,
There’s this unforeseen force that pulls me back into doing nothing.
I don’t know what to call it.
Is it laziness?
Is it procrastination?
Is it depression?
I feel trapped by it,
Suffocated even.
I feel ashamed of it too.
Even saying it out loud, I’m grossed out by it.
I’m so grossed out by it I can even feel people rolling their eyes at me, whispering “stupid millennial”.
People constantly ask me what I’m doing with my life,
And I’ll reply with, “this and that”.
While some leave it be, others dig even further to understand why I’m content with the way I live.
Truth is, I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
I honestly wish I did.
I’m at a point where I proactively choose not to think about it because if I sit and ponder on the thought for too long, I start to panic.
Panic at the thought of where this life would lead me if I continue on down this path.
While the answer seems pretty clear that I just need to “do something about it”,
My mind feels overwhelmed.
I wish life would give me a handout like how teachers would back in high school.
All you’d have to do is follow the instructions,
And if you mess up,
Just refer back to the paper.
But life doesn’t operate like that,
I think life is pretty sadistic because it wants you to feel the pain even when you don’t want to.
Apparently, it’s part of the whole learning and growing process.
So, life…
What lesson are you trying to teach me this time around?
